Family Therapy
Could Your Family Benefit From Therapy?
Is your blended family experiencing a period of adjustment that is causing communication issues and discord? Does the challenge of co-parenting your children post-divorce in two separate households disrupt consistency and spark ongoing disagreements? As problems arise, do you struggle to remain objective?
Although maintaining family unity can be difficult to achieve even in relatively stable times, perhaps a disruptive life event—such as divorce, remarriage, a mental health crisis, incarceration, hospitalization, or a death in the family—has caused fractures to form. Without everyone feeling like they’re on the same team, communication begins to falter, leading to dissent, disconnection, and misunderstanding. Even if the immediate conflict only involves two or three family members, the stress of this conflict can end up impacting everyone.
The Root Of Your Family Conflict Could Vary
Perhaps adjusting to living as a blended family under the same roof has proven to be more challenging than you expected. Your divergent parenting styles or cultural differences could be at odds with each other, causing misunderstanding and tension.
Or maybe trying to establish a new normal after a divorce has been tough on everyone, leading to communication breakdowns, arguments, and perhaps even physical altercations between two or more family members. If a sense of safety and trust is in short supply between you, it can feel like your family is falling apart.
No matter what challenges your family is experiencing, therapy can help you come together to find practical solutions. Working with a therapist, you can identify the different relational dynamics within your blended or separated family that cause discord and learn how to avoid conflict, blaming, and communication roadblocks.
Have any questions? Send us a message!
Families Represent A Complex Social Organism
On a cellular level, humans are wired to crave the emotional security of belonging to a family. However, this doesn’t mean that conflict and strife do not exist within this highly complex social organism. In addition to generation gaps that have caused misunderstanding between family members for decades, in today’s society, we also experience more divorce, blended families, and other factors—such as economic concerns and substance abuse issues—that may exacerbate our challenges.
In terms of roles and responsibilities within the family, there is no such thing as a standard guideline to follow. It is up to each family to develop a unique way to organize their structure. These decisions are usually closely tied to cultural and social values, which may or may not align when two people come together to start a new family. It’s no wonder then that many families get derailed by differing opinions related to dividing household duties, raising children, and setting boundaries for extended family members.
Poor Communication Makes It Harder For Families To Heal
When families experience conflict, it is often due to poor communication or a lack of understanding between generations. When good communication isn’t established, discussing differences of opinion often leads to arguments, anger, and sometimes, violence. In particular, there may be certain “hot topics” within families where members cannot find agreement. Without a common ground holding the family together, emotional distance and resentment grow.
It can be difficult to maintain an objective perspective of the problem when you are so closely connected to it. Working with a counsellor can help your blended or separated family receive guidance to work out their differences and come together stronger than before. Family counselling allows each member to see all sides of the problem, making room for positive changes to happen.
Family Therapy Can Help You Resolve Conflict And Find Common Ground
In family therapy, the whole is viewed as greater than the sum of its parts. Because your family is, in essence, a “system,” we will identify where the weaknesses exist that affect the group as a whole. We aim to get your family to a place where each member feels like they can share how they think and feel without fear of judgment or shame.
Rather than highlight one member over the rest, we can help each of you recognize the part you play in the overall family dynamic. Wherever unhealthy dynamics arise within the system, your family therapist will offer supportive strategies that foster better communication and reduce conflict. Positively shifting any problematic relationships will not only benefit those members but also benefit the family collectively.
What To Expect In Sessions
Therapy is typically short-term and centered on conflict resolution, making it an effective way to address issues within the family dynamic. Your family therapist may mix and match who attends counselling sessions. For blended families, in particular, it’s usually beneficial to have every member attend the initial session. Thereafter, we may decide to focus on the most challenging relationship, such as the parents with one child. If you are undergoing a crisis due to the death of a family member, we might hold several group counselling sessions to process the collective grief you are experiencing.
Your counsellor may explore roles and responsibilities within your blended family and facilitate open discussions about whether or not your current model is functional for everyone in your household. You may decide that adjusting these roles will minimize conflict within your family and help foster unity.
In Counselling, We Look At The Family As A Whole
As we work with your family, we will identify dynamics or behavioural patterns that contribute to the problem. Your counsellor will then raise awareness around unhealthy dynamics between family members using techniques such as:
Facilitating conversations about whatever topics usually lead to conflict or arguments;
Engaging in circular questioning that explores the problem from different angles to identify the core issue;
Practicing active listening and healthy communication skills so each member learns how to vocalize their needs and concerns without causing emotional distress to others;
Helping each family member apply the skills they learned in therapy outside of sessions.
Utilizing Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (EFFT), you will gain deeper insight into how you relate to each other and how your family functions as a system. As an attachment-based modality, EFT family therapy can help establish emotional safety that nurtures closeness and resiliency in your family’s relationships.
In therapy, your family can learn better ways to overcome conflicts, differences of opinion, and emotional challenges. With a renewed emotional connection to each other, your family can grow closer and more unified.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Therapy Is Right For Your Family…
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Getting every member of the family to agree to therapy can be challenging. Some members might feel like the issue does not directly involve them or scapegoat someone else rather than recognize the benefit of family counselling. One way to encourage other members to participate is to share the benefits of Emotion-Focused Family Therapy with them. EFT for families can help restore trust and connection between its members, particularly parents and their children. [1]
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Understandably, you might be concerned that your therapist will not maintain objectivity or be influenced by the information they receive in sessions. However, each family counsellor at Talk to Heal is well-trained to be unbiased and non-judgmental. They are also aware of the unhealthy dynamics that often arise in family therapy sessions and know how to manage the flow of sessions so that every person gets a chance to express their needs in a safe space.
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Oftentimes, families repeat the same negative patterns over and over. Even though you realize how you relate to each other is far from ideal, you may be afraid to shift the dynamic, worrying any change could make things worse. Therapy provides a unique opportunity for the family unit—whether it’s a blended or stepfamily, a family dealing with multicultural issues, or a family in crisis—to learn how to express negative feelings they have been holding onto for a long time.
Family Unity Is Worth Its Weight In Gold
There’s no better time than today to get your family on the same page. For a free 15-minute consultation to find out more about Talk to Heal’s in-person and online family therapy or to schedule an appointment, please call us at (905) 418-2051 or visit our contact page.
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/relationship-and-trauma-insights/202202/how-and-why-does-emotionally-focused-family-therapy
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