5 Unique Issues that Blended Families Face
The fact that you’re entering into a blended family is something worth celebrating. You’ve met someone new that you’re choosing to spend your life with. This decision wasn’t easy given there are children involved.
There are many benefits that come from blending your families and great opportunities for growth. With that said, it doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges that are unique to these situations. Let’s look at five common issues that blended families face.
1. A Sense of Grief
Each person in the family may experience a sense of grief and loss. A previous relationship ending is still considered a loss. You may find yourself still feeling an array of emotions over that chapter ending. Your children are more likely to be missing that old family unit.
In addition, there’s the new living arrangement. Not only did the family unit change, but so did the way of living and the environment itself. You all may be in a new household. The children may be attending a new school. There are a lot of factors that can flip everyone’s reality on its head.
2. Different Parenting Styles
Parenting is a highly personal and sensitive topic. With two pre-existing parents coming together into a new unit, it can be even more challenging. Each partner has their own parenting style, and it’s possible to come into the new relationship with differing styles.
If you and your partner are on different pages with your parenting style, it can cause confusion and contradictory information. You and your partner will need to communicate how you both operate and try to find some middle ground on parenting. Even when you’re on separate pages, you should be able to find a healthy compromise.
3. Sharing Parental Attention
When you blend a family, new members enter the family equation. More people means less attention from the parents. The biological children may feel like their parents are paying too much attention to their step-siblings. This might also be the first time they’ve had to share their parent’s attention.
As a parent, it's challenging to make sure you’re dividing your attention equally and not appearing to play any favorites. You also don’t want to make the step-children feel like outsiders. Planning and awareness are important to make sure everyone is receiving the attention needed.
4. The Step-Parent Relationship
There are a number of factors that go into the formation of a step-child-step-parent relationship. The age of the children when the blending is taking place, the circumstances of the new arrangement, and the transition from dating to marriage of their parent.
Accepting that a parent is dating is one thing. Marriage, however, comes with permanent changes that many children are not instantly ok with. Feelings of anger or acting out are not uncommon in these instances. It’s your child’s way of voicing their opinion.
There can also be strained dynamics with disciplining step-children. Discussions need to be had and guidelines need to be established for who will be in charge of disciplining practices and how certain situations will be handled.
5. Co-Parenting Expectations and Boundaries
When you have a blended family, there are strings attached to previous partners, responsibilities, and arrangements. Being able to balance your commitments can become difficult. This holds especially true when children are coming and going between households.
In this new chapter, having clear boundaries with those previous commitments becomes important. As hard as it may be in the beginning, each parent will have to find a way to enforce them and stay accountable while a healthy flow is formed. In many instances, a set of rules and expectations for your home and your family are needed to provide structure, stability, and good behavioral examples.
Having a blended family requires a certain level of finesse and love. It isn’t always sunshine, rainbows, and butterflies. If your family is struggling, it’s worth exploring therapy as an option to overcome challenges. Contact us today to learn more about family therapy.