6 Signs That Your Family Might Be Communicating in a Dysfunctional Way

The picture-perfect family ideal lives in everyone’s mind. We all have our own version of what the white picket fence looks like. Most of us believe that family should be a built-in support system, filled with unconditional love, and a safe place.

Sadly, not all families live up to this “perfect” ideal. One of the main reasons families can become dysfunctional revolves around communication habits. Communication is a key foundational piece for any relationship to thrive and maintain a healthy status. Here are signs to watch for that may indicate your communication is aiding dysfunction.

1. Avoidance of Important Topics

The doors for communication should be open at all times amongst family members. As mentioned above, they should be your support system. 

If you’ve noticed certain topics are often avoided or off limits altogether, this could be a concerning red flag. Similarly, if you’ve noticed that your family doesn’t have deep or important conversations, this is also problematic. 

You should never have to avoid expressing your feelings or dance around important issues, especially where family is concerned. Keeping everything surface-level can create larger problems ahead. 

2. Lying and Fibbing

When communication borders unhealthy, it's easy to fall into a lying game. It can start with a little fib here and there. Before you know it, it becomes bigger lies. 

Lies may be intentionally withholding information from others for their own good or for more calculated reasons. This can lead to mistrust and more conflict. 

3. Poor Conflict Resolution

Communication skills are essential for finding resolution for problems and conflicts that arise, no matter how big or small. Have you noticed your family struggles in this area? Do conflicts frequently occur? Even worse, is the same argument recurring? Dysfunction can be the culprit.

An issue comes to the forefront of discussion, followed by an argument. At least one person is quick to make an apology to brush it under the rug. For a short period, all is well. The second any bit of tension arises, the cycle begins all over again. 

4. Critical or Judgmental Remarks

Another sign that there could be some dysfunction within your family’s communication habits is when critical or judgmental comments are common occurrences. 

There might be a right-and-wrong or black-and-white mentality that lends itself to these remarks. It might even be a superior versus inferior status between multiple family members that results in harsh judgment. Such remarks can also be the product of bitterness or jealousy that can drive a wedge between relationships and be damaging to your own viewpoint and the relationship in general. 

No matter where it stems from, these types of comments can make any type of conversation uncomfortable.

5. Disrespectful Language

Disrespectful language can be in the form of name calling, hurtful language, or just being made the butt of jokes. If the language is perceived as something negative, it can lead to lower self-esteem, trust issues, and difficulty expressing feelings. 

Having this dynamic within the family can become triggering and spill over into relationships outside of the immediate family as well. 

6. Conversation Leads to Fatigue

This one may or may not be an obvious factor for your family. Do you find yourself feeling exhausted after having discussions with your family, or a family member in particular? Do you feel you have to put in effort just for your voice to be heard? 

Fatigue can be a result of frequent interactions with a dominant force that dictates the conversation. It can also be from having the same conversation multiple times over. It’s also possible that it comes from simply the tone or volume of the person you’re conversing with.

Feeling poorly about yourself, ashamed, overshadowed, judged, disrespected, or drained are all byproducts of unhealthy communication habits. The above can be just the tip of the dysfunction iceberg. If any of this sounds familiar, contact us to learn more about family therapy and developing healthier habits.