Finding Connection: Talking to Your Emotionally Distant Partner Without Blame

Humans are social beings and require that connection piece to feel fulfilled in one of our basic needs. When you enter into a relationship with a partner, you assume they will be the automatic fulfiller of that need.

Reaching a point where you realize your partner is being emotionally distant can leave you feeling concerned about the future of your relationship. Here are some steps you can take towards repairing the connection with your partner.

Understand the Source of Emotional Distance

Emotional distance rarely appears overnight. It’s more of a gradually developing phenomenon that stems from multiple causes. For the most effective communication with your emotionally distant partner, it's helpful to first understand the root of this distance.

Sometimes distance forms when your partner is also dealing with mental health challenges. Depression, anxiety, or basic life stress can take a toll. Similarly, when there’s a fear of rejection, failure, or being vulnerable, emotional distance can follow.

Other considerations for distance include past experience, triggering situations, unresolved conflict, unmet emotional needs, and resentment.

Talk at the Right Time, in the Right Place

Meaningful conversations best happen within a safe and comfortable space. Creating the right time for dialogue within an appropriate space can be a great starting point for improving connection and communication.

This time should be when you both are calm and free of distractions. Be welcoming with your tone when opening up conversation. Also, be clear that you want to deepen your connection and not try to “fix” something.

Choose “I” Statements

When communicating with an emotionally distant partner, try to tread lightly when approaching conversation. It's easy to communicate and place blame, even when we don't mean it to come across as accusatory.

“I” statements express your feelings while ensuring your partner feels comfortable in the discussion. Tell your partner “I miss having a connection with you,” rather than posing it as “you don’t talk to me about your feelings.” One is welcoming, and the other is accusatory.

Incorporate Active Listening

If you have an emotionally distant partner, any bit of openness could be a huge ordeal to them. You want to be careful not to be discouraging with divided attention or misunderstandings.

Refrain from passing judgment with the information presented. Use open-ended questions to show your interest and promote more dialogue. Don’t cut their statements off with your own thoughts or opinions. Allow them to finish to ensure you hear all the facts of the conversation.

Be Curious and Vulnerable

Asking open-ended questions can also help strengthen your connection on a point, showing interest and curiosity about whatever the topic is. Be honest in your thoughts and opinions, remembering to be gentle when expressing disagreement.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Express your fears, concerns, joys, happiness, and everything in between. If your partner is hesitant to share, your openness and vulnerability can be comforting and eventually lend itself to them following suit.

Demonstrate Patience

Patience is a virtue. Be mindful of the fact that reversing any emotional distance may take time. Your partner has their hurdles to overcome before they can close the distance.

Allow them the time necessary to healthily open up and deepen your connection.

Avoid Ultimatums

It's important to not force any type of ultimatum. Such finalities can push your partner away rather than help them change their habits.

Avoid any kind of statement that implies you want to see change instantly or on your specific terms. These methods rarely work, but if they do, it isn’t in a productive manner.

Seeking Help

Approaching your emotionally distant partner can feel daunting and difficult. Thankfully, it doesn't have to be an impossible task. With the right tools and some patience, you can achieve a better connection with your partner. Maybe stronger than you initially started with, even.

If you’d like to explore how couples counseling can help your relationship and communication skills, schedule an appointment today.