Effective Strategies for Improving Communication with Your Teen

The foundation for any healthy relationship is effective communication. As a parent, you probably know this importance. 

Your teen, however, may not fully understand this nor feel comfortable having open communication the way you would like. Day-to-day matters may be stressful, making important or difficult ones even harder. 

Thankfully, communicating with your teen is a skill that can be improved upon with the right techniques. Here are a few effective strategies to start with. 

Learn to Listen

As a parent, the natural hierarchy of "parent knows best' over the child has a tendency to come out more than is necessary. By the time your child becomes a teen, this then turns into lecturing them any time there is disagreement, conflict, or them simply behaving differently than you did or would like them to. 

You’ve got plenty of life experience under your belt compared to them, so this makes sense, right? Well, wrong. 

In order to establish effective and healthy communication with your teen, it’s important to engage with them and listen. Ask open-ended questions that allow for dialogue rather than a one word response: "How can I help you with ____?" or "What did you learn?" When they provide you with a response, actively listen and avoid talking over them. 

When your teen feels comfortable and safe having conversation with you, it will increase their likelihood of continuing that practice. If they know they’re getting a lecture, they’ll be less inclined to share details with you. 

Create a Safe Space

When your teen feels safe, they’ll want to talk more. You’re their parent/caregiver at the end of the day. Deep down, they do want to have that relationship with you and be able to talk to you about anything. 

If you frequently nag, judge them, or reprimand them for their actions, it creates this barrier. Once your teen builds up an emotional wall, not only will it deter them from communicating with you, but it will also lead to limited information or lying. 

Use empathy rather than criticism. Give them your attention, not your judgment. Validate their feelings. They’re their own person and times are different now compared to when you were a teen. Many things are the same, but dynamics and social norms have changed, so you need to problem solve together. 

Allow Some Independence

Your teen is at the age where they are learning who they are and how to navigate the real world. They want to be independent, figure things out, and be taken seriously.

Find ways to show them that you trust them and that you do take them seriously. Establish ground rules, but don’t be over the top. Give them a task and see how they perform. If something goes incorrectly, work through it together and let them know it’s ok to make mistakes. Not only will this establish trust, but it can boost their confidence and make them understand your rules. 

 Keep It Real

It’s the goal for most parents to have a good, solid relationship with their teen. If you’re reading this, it’s clear you want to have better communication with them. Be open about that with them. 

When you treat them like an inferior, it creates this separation. Now, there is a time for parenting where that superior role will be required, but it’s ok to treat them as a younger peer. Express to them how you’re feeling. Show affection. Have conversations more openly. 

Use “I” statements instead of using “you” statements to more effectively get your point across. This will come across as less threatening and create a more engaging space. Your teen will form a better connection with a parent that is real with them over one who tries to always be right. 

Are you struggling to have open, honest, and effective communication with your teen? Contact us to work through your struggles and learn more about additional strategies with teen counseling or family therapy.